My inspiration

I've said many times that I have some of the most amazing people in my life. The missionaries that are my dear friends who are my example daily. I consider myself as a very lucky girl because of these amazing people who have touched my life.
Yesterday I was invited to go and welcome home the first of my amazing examples. Sister Rachel Ewell. I remember when I said goodbye to her. You can read about it here.
I'm going to try and not make this a novel.  So I'm going to skip some parts here and there.
My co-worker let me borrow his Bronco, and I may have totally locked the keys in the car. So that made it a little more interesting of a morning. I completely blame it on the fact I only got 5 hours of sleep and they weren't a solid 5 hours either. Moving on...
We waited and waited what seemed like forever for the missionaries to walk down. When the first set of missionaries which were 4 Elders walked down, it pretty much had everyone in tears. As they approached the end of the stairs each of their dear mothers went up and hugged them. No one even stopped we all watched them hug. In a perfect line (complete accident). If any of you have been there to watch missionaries come home. You know that moment is a very tend moment for any and all to watch.
Next came Sister Ewell and Sister Carlini (fun fact they were MTC companions). I couldn't stop crying. For the last 18 months all I've gotten from her were letters. And now SHE IS HOME!!

(this picture was taken after a lot of hugging)

For those of you who don't know Rachel was one of my roommates my very first semester of college. She is one of the most spiritual people I can think of and I hope that when I go on my mission that I can be a pinch as amazing as she was. Rachel is a big influence to me. She's actually the one person who really got me thinking about going on a mission. "Well the MTC is the most AMAZING experience of my life. Aubrey I know you say no, but if time comes and you aren't married (hypothetically cause we know you will be) make this your very first priority." -Sister Ewell (this is her second letter to me). 

I still remember the day I read that. I told myself okay. That's a fair enough situation. Here I am 18 months later, making it my very first priority. 

The last two weeks I've really struggled with being confident in my decisions I've made. But after yesterday and talking to Rachel. I have no doubt in my mind that in the last 7 months I've made ever decision I needed to make. I'm where I'm suppose to be. Some of those decisions were really hard to make and I didn't enjoy making them. It is right for everyone. 

I'm so happy Rachel is home, it couldn't have come at a better time. I'm so thankful for her friendship. 

Welcome home Sister Ewell <3 

Thunderstorms

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has a policy. It's not just 6 months. It's 6 months from my last anxiety attack.

I don't really remember the exact date of my last anxiety attack. It's about 1 1/2 -2 months ago. Which means I still have at least 4 more months.Yes, this was really hard to hear. 

Tonight I took a walk to the Provo Temple (even though it's closed) while I was there it started to rain. As I walked back home I was in deep thought. Of course we've all heard the famous phrase "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain". As this quote came to mind I couldn't help but realize which moments in my life were the rain storm seemed to be at its strongest points. And of course each thunderstorm has a moment where it's just a couple rain drops here and there. 

I can still remember one of my scariest anxiety attacks I've had. It was a couple weeks after starting therapy. I was in my room and I lost complete control of all of my body. Hardly being able to breath feeling every second of the attack. All I could think of was "when will this stop? Why do I not know how to control this yet?" I've learned how to control my anxiety. Many people don't know how to do this, and that is why I am grateful my Heavenly Father has given me this opportunity to do so.

With that said, I know I'll still have some heavy parts of the rainstorm, it could get worse I have no idea if it will or will not though. But as for now. I will dance in the rain. Because at some point it will all make sense. There is a grand plan that I'm part of, and I know that I made the decision to come here to Earth. Sometimes it's hard to experience our Earthly trials. I know that it will all be worth it one day. I promise to you all it will be. 

As for me right now. I'm still doing school and work full time. I only have 5 more weeks!!! Woot!

In August I will be moving up to SLC (Sandy area with my mom and brother). I can say that I know it's where I need to go right now. I've prayed about it a lot and I know it's right for me. I need to step away from Provo for a short time. For many reasons, and it will be good to have this experience. Of course there will be many things I will miss here. Like being able to walk to the temple. It's time for a change.

Don't forget to dance in the rain. It's okay if you get a little wet. You'll dry. 

2 months down

Honestly, I can't believe that two months have passed since I started therapy. I only have four more months till I can resubmit my papers. :) Sometimes I don't feel like this is even real.
The last two months have been the biggest roller coaster. Most recently I've had moments where I was completely jealous of people who said they had their call or those who say "on my mission".
Which I ended up turning to my best friend who is serving his mission in Philly right now. I just didn't know what to do. I felt like I wasn't doing my best, that I was a complete slacker because I wasn't on a mission. But of course Elder Danner reminded me that there is a reason I am here at this current time. Which he is so right because I'm learning things that I wouldn't learn if I wasn't here.
I came to realize that I had forgotten the things I had already learned when first entering this lesson of my life. But when you are slacking off on the "simple" things you forget what you already know.
I can't explain how important it is to remember the "primary answers" for those of you who aren't part of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I'll explain what that means.
Primary answers are the don't forget to say your daily prayers, make sure you read your scriptures daily, remember the basic principles of the church. Click here if you have more questions about the "mormons" or LDS church.
Other than that I've done really well. Therapy is really going, I can say I've learned how to manage my anxiety pretty well since the first month was all about identify your anxiety.
My first block of summer classes is almost done. I have two weeks left, than I head into second block. Which I'm looking forward too. A LOT.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Too many goodbyes

I'd say that I've said my fair amount of goodbyes. Considering I'm not the one leaving. Of course I'm only saying goodbye for only 2 years and than I get to see them all again. But honestly I can't wait till I'm the one leaving. 

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." --A.A. Milne

I can't even explain how many tears I've cried saying goodbye to all these people. The final hug that leaves me in complete tears and unbelief that it really is happening. I'm filing a request... no one else is allowed to leave till I leave as well. Thank you for your understand. A girl can only cry so much. 

Well... summer time is here and very hot for my poor white white skin. I've seen my fair share of sunburns already. But on the great note I've finished my first month of therapy. And I'm in the middle of month number two. Which means I only have 4 1/2 MONTHS TILL I CAN RESUBMIT MY PAPERS! YAY! Pretty exciting right? In the last month I've really learned soo much about myself and the anxiety attacks I have. I'm currently learning methods that allow me to control my anxiety attacks. I can tell such a difference already. To my readers... many of you may not have known that's why I had to wait 6 months before serving my LDS mission. I didn't make a public notice that I have anxiety. But I'm not afraid to tell those that I do have panic/anxiety attacks. I'm working on it, some days aren't easy that's for sure. But I'm glad I'm getting the help I can. So if any of you have questions I am more than willing to answer. 

Thank you all for your support at this time, it means the world to me. I have great friends and family in my life. Have a great week!! 

My missionaries:

Sister Ewell-Oklahoma 

Elder Woodruff-Brazil

Elder Hopkins-Ghana

Elder Danner-Pennsylvania

Elder Hofheins-Uganda 

Elder Jaynes-Russia

Elder Hales-Germany

Elder Palmer-California

Elder Sneddon- Missouri 

Elder Haggard-Benin

Elder Dever-Honduras

Elder Church-Philippines 

Spiritual light

I haven't update in a while so I'm going to do that really fast. Even though most might know a lot of what's going on. 

I was in a little bit of a panic with finding out that I need to wait 6 months. Because I really hadn't planned to be staying in Utah for that long. The things that had to be thought about were:

~School

~Housing 

~Work

Anything else that would be affecting my life for the next 6 months. 

Lucky enough I still have my job, but I was trying to figure out if I wanted to get another job in order to even save more money. As for right now I will be going to school for the summer in order to graduate with my associates. It's going to be a little crazy but I'm really excited that I will have that. Housing was the last thing I kind of needed to figure out. Well I decided that I will be moving into The Riviera. I'm excited about it, it's in the middle of everything I have to do for the summer. Hopefully I get roomed with someone good. I haven't shared a room in years and that was with my sister. 

Other than that General Conference was AMAZING. Completely what I needed to hear. And if you haven't listened to it I really hope you go online and listen to it or read them. 

My Savior

First off, I want to tell everyone Happy Easter. I'm so thankful for this holiday and what it means to me. Our Savior died on a cross for all of our sins, sorrows, pain, trials. Remember, He is Risen.

I love my Savior. He loves me. And is with me every step I take on this Earth. 

With that said. My mission call has been postponed. For 6 months. I have some medical things to take care of. Hopefully at the end of the 6 months I will be able to resubmit my papers and go on my mission. As for now I'm unsure of what these next 6 months have in store for me. I do know that my Savior knows what is best for me. And at this time it is not to leave right now for my mission. Of course I was devastated. I am human. But I have turned to my Heavenly Father, I encourage all of you to do the same thing when you are placed in hard times. Because it will become clear to you in time. 

As for me I will be trying to figure out what my plan will be now for these next few months. Happy Easter everyone. Enjoy your Sabbath. 

God is eagerly waiting

First off, I want to begin this blog enter informing you all what I have heard too many times in the last 4 weeks.

• Patiences
• It's in the Lord's time
• I know someone who had to wait ____ months
• Or I waited ____ months

If you didn't think I was aware. I'm aware. And yes with that comment I look grumpy. But I am human.  Sometimes it's hard for me to stay positive, but I can honestly say this is trial. I'm not learning things you think I am. My Savior knows what I need to experience in order to grow, and He knows how I'll grow.
I also know people are saying these things in order to give me comfort or tell me things could be worse. In the last couple of weeks I've needed to place all my faith in my loving Savior.
No matter how anxious I become in the wait I know without a shadow of a doubt that 1. I am to go on a mission 2. My Savior loves me and will always follow through with His blessings.
Well I hope you are all having a wonderful day. 4 weeks till the end of the semester and I have lots to do before than. And I hope I can focus enough to pull it all off.