I am not a victim of anxiety anymore.

I cannot express my gratitude for the feelings I have today. I would have never guessed a year ago that I would be where I am at. Almost one year ago, the announcement the Church made of the age change for missionaries go serve missions at a younger age. First of all, I remember watching General Conference by myself in my apartment and I fell to my knees crying. The glories moment, even now when I listen to it I'm overwhelmed with joy.  

In one year I've been able to experience enough. A large scale of dating someone serious to having my papers in and just waiting the moment of the white envelope to show up. Although it never did appear. 

I'm still dreaming of this moment. That moment will finally be happening because I finished therapy. I will not be resubmitting my mission papers till November. But I will hopefully be going if it's in the Lord's grand plan for me. (I'm still praying it is & it would help if you did too). 

It seems like a dream to me, as I walked out of the building from therapy tonight it didn't seem real. Being at the finish line it's hard for me to even remember how I allowed myself to become so weak. But thankfully my Heavenly Father is aware that I may become weak. I'm even more thankful that he allowed me to be able to change. It was not an easy change, but I am so thankful I was able to overcome my anxiety. 

I know many people in the last few months that have asked me how I've overcome it. So I'm just going to tell you the different methods I use. 

Please keep in mind that this might not help you. My anxiety came from lack of control, and magnifying each situation.

1. Breathing (start by breathing out, and making sure that when you breath in it's one second longer than you were breathing out).

2. Meditation. (imagine a beach). 

3. Your safe place or a place where you are happy. (Mine is Italy, dancing, San Diego beach or being at a football game).

4.  Is this going to matter in 3 days?

5. Realizing how your physical symptoms happen- that they will not last forever

6. Angel and Devil from Empires New Groove (Devil being your anxiety).

7. Recognizing that there is positive and negative worrying. 

Now if your anxiety is bad enough PLEASE go see a therapist. I would have never gone and I didn't think they were even important but if you make the effort and try to allow the methods to help you they can. 

If anyone has questions about one of the methods I mentioned send me a message and I'll try and explain it to you more.  

Maybe use this as my new missionary picture?? ;)

Thank you for your love and support you've shown me at this time. I couldn't be here without the prayers many of you have said in my behalf. I've been able to grow closer to my Heavenly Father during this trial and I couldn't be happier that He understands me the best. He knows the pains I have experienced. And that's why he is mine and your Heavenly Father. 

Also here is my Mormon.org page. Click Here Go read it! I'm a Mormon and I'm proud to be one. 

Turning into a big girl

As most of you know, I officially got the job at Deseret Book! I'm completely thrilled about it. I got my apron the other day and tomorrow I will work a full day. I'm really excited about it! I can't wait to see what this step in my life has in store for me.

In my cute apron! (I call it my big girl job).

Yesterday when I looked at this picture I realized I've changed. At first I couldn't figure it out, but while I was in therapy tonight I realized what it was. Which brings me to some news. It was discussed tonight in therapy that I'll most likely have one more session and I will be done till I submit my papers. He even suggested that we might be able to submit my papers a little early then I was planning. As my therapist said these words I'm pretty sure I almost died. (Don't get to excited). The words that followed were no. It was weird sitting there being told what I've wanted to hear for months. Recently I've thought about if I were to submit early would I? And I told myself no, I don't think I'm ready and I feel that there are still a couple things I need to do before I submit. 

To say the least it's a very odd feeling. I would have never thought I would turn down putting my papers back in early. As I look at this picture of me I realize I have changed. I'm completely relaying on the Lord. I don't make a judgement call till I've prayed, read my scriptures and truly know that the choice I will make is the best one for me. This does not come over night, comes from a lot of practice, patience, and crying. Okay the crying might only be me. 

Here's my preparing missionary side coming in... Ha if you are searching for anything that I am describing or simply want to know more about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Please please go look at our website and get in contact with some missionaries! Click here to find out more! :) Don't be shy. 

As for right now, I'm going to just keep going. Anything can happen these next 88 days (this is when I hope to resubmit so that I get my call back on my 21st birthday). I'm open for anything! 

Like I told Elder Danner in this weeks email. The Lord has the most perfect timing. I have no doubt about it, hence why I'm still waiting. Because I know and have a feeling that something is going to happen.  

By the way I GRADUATED WITH MY ASSOCIATE!!!!! YES I PASSES ALL MY CLASSES! 

Pretty dang proud of myself to say the least. I hope you all have a wonderful rest of the week. And don't be afraid to send me an email or comment and we can chat about anything! <3

I need a little more Ashtree and Carson Allen in my life.

One thing people should know about me is that I LOVE to go to concerts. Even if I don't know who's singing. Finding new music is what I love. I don't think you can only like one genre of music, but if you are one of those people. I'm feel bad for you because you are missing out on so much!
My Friday night was PERFECT yesterday.
A couple months ago while at a John Allred concert- I discovered a band named Ashtree. These guys have so much energy, music is easy to dance to, completely outgoing and all around great people to be around. After months of begging them to come back they did! YAY!
My favorite song by Ashtree is their new release Heart Attack (click on it to hear the song).

 Here's the band! L to R: George, Zack, Will, (me), Joseph, and Patrick! 

 If you know the band you know these two are brothers. Joseph and Patrick 

Of course I had to take a picture with the Yellow Piano.

Will decided he wants anyone he meets to sign the piano. So I signed it, hopefully it makes them smile anytime they see it. It was pretty awesome to get to hang out with the guys before they went on. Because last time it was after and being super tired after standing for so long isn't very interesting. In the mist of being able to kick it with everyone I got to meet Carson Allen. Now if you don't know him go look him up. My favorite song of Carson is Even If.

The one and only Carson Allen. 

The hilarious things that came out of all their mouths. :) Oh tooo good! I wish I could go on tour with them the whole time. But lucky for everyone they just started their tour. Yesterday was day 2 or 3 (it's the question of the tour). They still have many days to come along the West Coast. 

 Just so you all know they named the tour Blue Eyed because of me ;) Okay, maybe not but it sounds good to me! If you have the chance to see these guys on tour do it! If you want to know some more songs they both can be found on Spotify and YouTube.
Seriously I wouldn't mind if they stopped by in Utah at the end of the tour! As you can see by some of my pictures I enjoyed myself. That big of a smile only comes when I'm experiencing pure joy!
Good Luck Ashtree and Carson!! I hope that you have some fun. As for Carson you should be able to find something outside of Utah and our 3.2 issues.
Don't be afraid to share their music- It would be awesome if we could get more people at their concerts who can sing along! SHARE, SHARE, SHARE!