2 months down

Honestly, I can't believe that two months have passed since I started therapy. I only have four more months till I can resubmit my papers. :) Sometimes I don't feel like this is even real.
The last two months have been the biggest roller coaster. Most recently I've had moments where I was completely jealous of people who said they had their call or those who say "on my mission".
Which I ended up turning to my best friend who is serving his mission in Philly right now. I just didn't know what to do. I felt like I wasn't doing my best, that I was a complete slacker because I wasn't on a mission. But of course Elder Danner reminded me that there is a reason I am here at this current time. Which he is so right because I'm learning things that I wouldn't learn if I wasn't here.
I came to realize that I had forgotten the things I had already learned when first entering this lesson of my life. But when you are slacking off on the "simple" things you forget what you already know.
I can't explain how important it is to remember the "primary answers" for those of you who aren't part of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I'll explain what that means.
Primary answers are the don't forget to say your daily prayers, make sure you read your scriptures daily, remember the basic principles of the church. Click here if you have more questions about the "mormons" or LDS church.
Other than that I've done really well. Therapy is really going, I can say I've learned how to manage my anxiety pretty well since the first month was all about identify your anxiety.
My first block of summer classes is almost done. I have two weeks left, than I head into second block. Which I'm looking forward too. A LOT.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Too many goodbyes

I'd say that I've said my fair amount of goodbyes. Considering I'm not the one leaving. Of course I'm only saying goodbye for only 2 years and than I get to see them all again. But honestly I can't wait till I'm the one leaving. 

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." --A.A. Milne

I can't even explain how many tears I've cried saying goodbye to all these people. The final hug that leaves me in complete tears and unbelief that it really is happening. I'm filing a request... no one else is allowed to leave till I leave as well. Thank you for your understand. A girl can only cry so much. 

Well... summer time is here and very hot for my poor white white skin. I've seen my fair share of sunburns already. But on the great note I've finished my first month of therapy. And I'm in the middle of month number two. Which means I only have 4 1/2 MONTHS TILL I CAN RESUBMIT MY PAPERS! YAY! Pretty exciting right? In the last month I've really learned soo much about myself and the anxiety attacks I have. I'm currently learning methods that allow me to control my anxiety attacks. I can tell such a difference already. To my readers... many of you may not have known that's why I had to wait 6 months before serving my LDS mission. I didn't make a public notice that I have anxiety. But I'm not afraid to tell those that I do have panic/anxiety attacks. I'm working on it, some days aren't easy that's for sure. But I'm glad I'm getting the help I can. So if any of you have questions I am more than willing to answer. 

Thank you all for your support at this time, it means the world to me. I have great friends and family in my life. Have a great week!! 

My missionaries:

Sister Ewell-Oklahoma 

Elder Woodruff-Brazil

Elder Hopkins-Ghana

Elder Danner-Pennsylvania

Elder Hofheins-Uganda 

Elder Jaynes-Russia

Elder Hales-Germany

Elder Palmer-California

Elder Sneddon- Missouri 

Elder Haggard-Benin

Elder Dever-Honduras

Elder Church-Philippines 

Spiritual light

I haven't update in a while so I'm going to do that really fast. Even though most might know a lot of what's going on. 

I was in a little bit of a panic with finding out that I need to wait 6 months. Because I really hadn't planned to be staying in Utah for that long. The things that had to be thought about were:

~School

~Housing 

~Work

Anything else that would be affecting my life for the next 6 months. 

Lucky enough I still have my job, but I was trying to figure out if I wanted to get another job in order to even save more money. As for right now I will be going to school for the summer in order to graduate with my associates. It's going to be a little crazy but I'm really excited that I will have that. Housing was the last thing I kind of needed to figure out. Well I decided that I will be moving into The Riviera. I'm excited about it, it's in the middle of everything I have to do for the summer. Hopefully I get roomed with someone good. I haven't shared a room in years and that was with my sister. 

Other than that General Conference was AMAZING. Completely what I needed to hear. And if you haven't listened to it I really hope you go online and listen to it or read them. 

My Savior

First off, I want to tell everyone Happy Easter. I'm so thankful for this holiday and what it means to me. Our Savior died on a cross for all of our sins, sorrows, pain, trials. Remember, He is Risen.

I love my Savior. He loves me. And is with me every step I take on this Earth. 

With that said. My mission call has been postponed. For 6 months. I have some medical things to take care of. Hopefully at the end of the 6 months I will be able to resubmit my papers and go on my mission. As for now I'm unsure of what these next 6 months have in store for me. I do know that my Savior knows what is best for me. And at this time it is not to leave right now for my mission. Of course I was devastated. I am human. But I have turned to my Heavenly Father, I encourage all of you to do the same thing when you are placed in hard times. Because it will become clear to you in time. 

As for me I will be trying to figure out what my plan will be now for these next few months. Happy Easter everyone. Enjoy your Sabbath. 

God is eagerly waiting

First off, I want to begin this blog enter informing you all what I have heard too many times in the last 4 weeks.

• Patiences
• It's in the Lord's time
• I know someone who had to wait ____ months
• Or I waited ____ months

If you didn't think I was aware. I'm aware. And yes with that comment I look grumpy. But I am human.  Sometimes it's hard for me to stay positive, but I can honestly say this is trial. I'm not learning things you think I am. My Savior knows what I need to experience in order to grow, and He knows how I'll grow.
I also know people are saying these things in order to give me comfort or tell me things could be worse. In the last couple of weeks I've needed to place all my faith in my loving Savior.
No matter how anxious I become in the wait I know without a shadow of a doubt that 1. I am to go on a mission 2. My Savior loves me and will always follow through with His blessings.
Well I hope you are all having a wonderful day. 4 weeks till the end of the semester and I have lots to do before than. And I hope I can focus enough to pull it all off.

In times of struggle

As some of you know that my mission call was placed on hold and I had to take care of some personal things in order to get cleared to serve a mission. I don't say this a lot because I know there are a lot of people who have a harder lifes than I do. But I've had a hard life thus far. And I don't think it's going to get easier. Some are aware of my family life (past and/or present), my current struggles that affect me daily.
Today as I walked out of a personal meeting the things that had placed me in a pretty bad mood were gone. While walking back to my car I could feel the Lord my Savior walking with me telling me 'good job' and that He loves me so much.
During the rest of the day I was in deep thought.
I've been told multiple times that "Things happen for a reason" and I don't doubt that at all. But I was struggling with having that phrase comfort me with this trial. Instead I had a profound moment where I reminded myself that the Lord doesn't want to see me in pain or struggling with anything. He loves me so much that it really does hurt him to see me in pain. Any of us in pain for that matter. And I know that there are trials I have had, will have that I need to have in order to be who I am. I am thankful for His love, support and understanding. My Savior, Our Savior is here for all of us in our times of need and He will NOT give any of us something we can't handle. I told myself that the other day "I wouldn't be given this trial if I couldn't handle it." So I knew there was something to learn of it.
All I know of this right now that waiting for my call this much longer is going to make it so much more worth it. When I finally get to open my call, leave on my mission, and meet the many people who will change my life I will be thankful for my Savior and everything that has gotten me where I am at today. That includes all the struggles.
I was asked today why I wanted to serve a mission. My reason is this...
I want to be an example to those around me. Specifically my family. And that without this gospel in my life I know I wouldn't be here today. I wouldn't have been able to handle the things I've had to face. But because of the gospel I am here and I am fighting the trials. I want those who don't have the gospel to have it in their life and hopefully it will help them in their times of struggle.
"Nothing worth having comes easy"

Pure Happiness

I don't think it is very easy to feel pure happiness everyday.  Since my papers are all done, I feel it every moment of the day. I'm lovin' this feeling and don't want it to leave. With yesterday being a holiday and UVU changed my Monday classes to Tuesday (which means I only had one class today at 1) I was able to go up to Draper Temple and decide if I really want to go there and have my endowments out. This means I'm making another covenant with my Heavenly Father. I made a covenant when I was baptized but this is another one. And it's to sacred to talk about so I can't really go into detail.
I fell in love with the Draper Temple when I went to the open house. Which the LDS church does before each temple is dedicated that way nonmembers are allowed to come look inside and see the beautifulness of the temple. I went to make sure I really wanted to make a life changing moment there.

This one was taken by me today after I came out and was completely overjoyed by the happiness and gratitude I have that I am able to pick from so many different temples. And I have picked the one up on a mountain that over looks such a wonderful view that you can see 2 other temples. 

Holiness to the Lord.