How Does That Happen?

Many of you may know that I found out that I'll be entering the MTC on January 1, 2014.
Yet I still haven't received my call yet. Now how does that even happen? I'm going to tell you how my Friday was.
I started work at 9:30, we aren't suppose to have our cell phones with us on the sales floor. Although since I've been waiting for a text from my Bishop telling my call has been assigned I've kept my phone on me. Well my phone had gone off a couple times so when I stepped in the back room I checked to see who had called me. Two missed calls and a voice message, which was my stake President. Telling me he has a very important question to ask me, and if I could call him back as soon as I could. I instantly became nervous and wanted to throw up. Of course I call him right back, I actually didn't finish listening to the voice measage!
We exchange hellos and how we were doing.
Then he says, " I received a phone call from the mission department, (for me this usually isn't a could thing right? Bad past experience!) Your availability date you put was January 10. The mission you've been assigned you can either go in January 1 or wait till the end of March. He asks me why my date was January 10 so we talked about it. I'm starting to cry because my call has been assigned!! Haha. My Stake President continues on saying the mission department really wants me to go on the 1st.
So I take a couple deep breaths, rushing thoughts about everything! Should I call my mom and ask her? But I think to myself, Aubrey you've waited a very long time for this. If the Lord needs you to go into the MTC on January 1st you shouldn't hesitate to say yes.
The next words I say are "okay, tell them January 1st is fine."
My call will be mailed on Monday and hopefully I get it on Tuesday or Wednesday!!
I guess my Stake President tried to get more information about where I was called to but they wouldn't tell him.
So here I am knowing I go into the MTC in 38 days yet I have no idea where I'm going! Yes I'm going a little crazy about it!! But nonetheless, I'm 100% thrilled that 2014 will be my year to be on my mission!!!
Still a crazy thought to me.
Well this week I will post my call & a video of me sobbing while reading it. :)

I am imperfect

I want to tell you, my readers what I've experienced recently. Not to tell you I'm better, but to tell you how I've really struggled at moments while on this journey.
Last Sunday as I started to write my weekly emails to all my favorite missionaries I was filled with tons of self-doubt. Along with a very large fear of being told no again. I've worked so hard this last year to serve a mission I never considered that as happening. I began sobbing, as I wrote all the missionaries and for the first time showing a lot of struggle. I also turned to some amazing friends for advice. I knew that my self-doubt and fears were coming from Satan but I had no idea what I should do.
Satan had gotten to me and I had never faced this problem. Satan had found his way into my mind. Many were able to send me very comforting words from scriptures; D&C 6:36 "...look unto [the Lord] in every thought, doubt not, fear not." Or talks given by our modern Prophets and Apostles.
From Elder Holland, "So how do you best respond when mental or emotional challenges confront you or those you love? Above all, never lose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more than you can comprehend. As President Monson said to the Relief Society sisters so movingly last Saturday evening: “That love never changes. … It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve [it]. It is simply always there.” 4 Never, ever doubt that, and never harden your heart. Faithfully pursue the time-tested devotional practices that bring the Spirit of the Lord into your life. Seek the counsel of those who hold keys for your spiritual well-being. Ask for and cherish priesthood blessings. Take the sacrament every week, and hold fast to the perfecting promises of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Believe in miracles. I have seen so many of them come when every other indication would say that hope was lost. Hope is never lost. If those miracles do not come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior’s own anguished example: if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead."
I truly am blessed with the most amazing loving people a girl could as for. And I am so luckly that my Jesus Christ died upon the cross for me so that I could have the ever lasting atonement. So that I can be forgiven when I fall short.
I just want you all to know that it is okay to struggle, and when you do turn to our loving Heavenly Father who wants to hear from you. He is the most loving person and we are incredibly blessed that he is there for us to turn to.
I know that our kind Heavenly Father knows I have a very strong desire to serve a mission. I know without a doubt He will always do what is best for me. I will be turning in my mission papers again on Sunday and I am very excited to see what He has planned for me. No matter what/where/when it will be I am ready to do His will.
Don't feel as though you cannot.turn to those whom you are blessed to have in your life. They have been placed in your life for that reason. Thank you all for your prayers, words of encouragment I have felt them endlessly.

1 Month

I can't believe that I only have one more month of waiting before I get to resubmit my mission papers. Don't worry I really am thrilled about this! Time has been on my side these last few weeks and I'm completely blessed with that.

But of course many of you know that it hasn't always been on my side. Or at least I didn't feel as though it was. I want to share little segments from one of the best talks I've read. It's by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf Aprill 2010 Priesthood Session. The talk is Continue in Patience

It was extremely hard for me to understand why I had to wait when what I wanted to do was something good. Serving a mission isn't bad. But why would I have to wait? Now there are a long list of reasons why I had to wait some more obvious then others. Some reasons I'm still learning about! 

"Patience- the ability to put our desires on hold for a time- is a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want, and we want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and, at times, bitter."

Now, not all of us are horrible with patience but there are some of us who are still learning how to look at it with good light. 

About two days ago I realized that as exciting as it is that on November 3 I'll have my papers back up at the mission department but being able to put my mission papers in means that I have gone 6 months without an anxiety attack that I COULD NOT control. I was pretty excited when I had realized that next month is a really big stepping stone for me. Of course I'm focusing on everything with my mission because HELLO that's what my end goal is here right? 

"...I learned that patience was far more than simply waiting for something to happen-patience required actively working toward worthwhile goals not getting discouraged when results didn't appear instantly or without effort. There is an important concept here: patience is not a passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can- working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!"

President Uchtdorf is one very inspired man of God. Amen to this whole talk. It is simply amazing. I'm so thankful for the many things my Heavenly Father has blessed me with this year. (Can you believe it was a year ago when President Monson made the big announcement?) I can't wait to see what this last month is going to teach me. And I've very excited to be able in one month to try it all again. I know my mission is worth it. And I've very excited to see what it all has in store for me. 

I hope you all get to watch or listen to General Conference this weekend. I've very interested to see what our Savior wants us to hear this time. 

I am not a victim of anxiety anymore.

I cannot express my gratitude for the feelings I have today. I would have never guessed a year ago that I would be where I am at. Almost one year ago, the announcement the Church made of the age change for missionaries go serve missions at a younger age. First of all, I remember watching General Conference by myself in my apartment and I fell to my knees crying. The glories moment, even now when I listen to it I'm overwhelmed with joy.  

In one year I've been able to experience enough. A large scale of dating someone serious to having my papers in and just waiting the moment of the white envelope to show up. Although it never did appear. 

I'm still dreaming of this moment. That moment will finally be happening because I finished therapy. I will not be resubmitting my mission papers till November. But I will hopefully be going if it's in the Lord's grand plan for me. (I'm still praying it is & it would help if you did too). 

It seems like a dream to me, as I walked out of the building from therapy tonight it didn't seem real. Being at the finish line it's hard for me to even remember how I allowed myself to become so weak. But thankfully my Heavenly Father is aware that I may become weak. I'm even more thankful that he allowed me to be able to change. It was not an easy change, but I am so thankful I was able to overcome my anxiety. 

I know many people in the last few months that have asked me how I've overcome it. So I'm just going to tell you the different methods I use. 

Please keep in mind that this might not help you. My anxiety came from lack of control, and magnifying each situation.

1. Breathing (start by breathing out, and making sure that when you breath in it's one second longer than you were breathing out).

2. Meditation. (imagine a beach). 

3. Your safe place or a place where you are happy. (Mine is Italy, dancing, San Diego beach or being at a football game).

4.  Is this going to matter in 3 days?

5. Realizing how your physical symptoms happen- that they will not last forever

6. Angel and Devil from Empires New Groove (Devil being your anxiety).

7. Recognizing that there is positive and negative worrying. 

Now if your anxiety is bad enough PLEASE go see a therapist. I would have never gone and I didn't think they were even important but if you make the effort and try to allow the methods to help you they can. 

If anyone has questions about one of the methods I mentioned send me a message and I'll try and explain it to you more.  

Maybe use this as my new missionary picture?? ;)

Thank you for your love and support you've shown me at this time. I couldn't be here without the prayers many of you have said in my behalf. I've been able to grow closer to my Heavenly Father during this trial and I couldn't be happier that He understands me the best. He knows the pains I have experienced. And that's why he is mine and your Heavenly Father. 

Also here is my Mormon.org page. Click Here Go read it! I'm a Mormon and I'm proud to be one. 

Turning into a big girl

As most of you know, I officially got the job at Deseret Book! I'm completely thrilled about it. I got my apron the other day and tomorrow I will work a full day. I'm really excited about it! I can't wait to see what this step in my life has in store for me.

In my cute apron! (I call it my big girl job).

Yesterday when I looked at this picture I realized I've changed. At first I couldn't figure it out, but while I was in therapy tonight I realized what it was. Which brings me to some news. It was discussed tonight in therapy that I'll most likely have one more session and I will be done till I submit my papers. He even suggested that we might be able to submit my papers a little early then I was planning. As my therapist said these words I'm pretty sure I almost died. (Don't get to excited). The words that followed were no. It was weird sitting there being told what I've wanted to hear for months. Recently I've thought about if I were to submit early would I? And I told myself no, I don't think I'm ready and I feel that there are still a couple things I need to do before I submit. 

To say the least it's a very odd feeling. I would have never thought I would turn down putting my papers back in early. As I look at this picture of me I realize I have changed. I'm completely relaying on the Lord. I don't make a judgement call till I've prayed, read my scriptures and truly know that the choice I will make is the best one for me. This does not come over night, comes from a lot of practice, patience, and crying. Okay the crying might only be me. 

Here's my preparing missionary side coming in... Ha if you are searching for anything that I am describing or simply want to know more about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Please please go look at our website and get in contact with some missionaries! Click here to find out more! :) Don't be shy. 

As for right now, I'm going to just keep going. Anything can happen these next 88 days (this is when I hope to resubmit so that I get my call back on my 21st birthday). I'm open for anything! 

Like I told Elder Danner in this weeks email. The Lord has the most perfect timing. I have no doubt about it, hence why I'm still waiting. Because I know and have a feeling that something is going to happen.  

By the way I GRADUATED WITH MY ASSOCIATE!!!!! YES I PASSES ALL MY CLASSES! 

Pretty dang proud of myself to say the least. I hope you all have a wonderful rest of the week. And don't be afraid to send me an email or comment and we can chat about anything! <3

I need a little more Ashtree and Carson Allen in my life.

One thing people should know about me is that I LOVE to go to concerts. Even if I don't know who's singing. Finding new music is what I love. I don't think you can only like one genre of music, but if you are one of those people. I'm feel bad for you because you are missing out on so much!
My Friday night was PERFECT yesterday.
A couple months ago while at a John Allred concert- I discovered a band named Ashtree. These guys have so much energy, music is easy to dance to, completely outgoing and all around great people to be around. After months of begging them to come back they did! YAY!
My favorite song by Ashtree is their new release Heart Attack (click on it to hear the song).

 Here's the band! L to R: George, Zack, Will, (me), Joseph, and Patrick! 

 If you know the band you know these two are brothers. Joseph and Patrick 

Of course I had to take a picture with the Yellow Piano.

Will decided he wants anyone he meets to sign the piano. So I signed it, hopefully it makes them smile anytime they see it. It was pretty awesome to get to hang out with the guys before they went on. Because last time it was after and being super tired after standing for so long isn't very interesting. In the mist of being able to kick it with everyone I got to meet Carson Allen. Now if you don't know him go look him up. My favorite song of Carson is Even If.

The one and only Carson Allen. 

The hilarious things that came out of all their mouths. :) Oh tooo good! I wish I could go on tour with them the whole time. But lucky for everyone they just started their tour. Yesterday was day 2 or 3 (it's the question of the tour). They still have many days to come along the West Coast. 

 Just so you all know they named the tour Blue Eyed because of me ;) Okay, maybe not but it sounds good to me! If you have the chance to see these guys on tour do it! If you want to know some more songs they both can be found on Spotify and YouTube.
Seriously I wouldn't mind if they stopped by in Utah at the end of the tour! As you can see by some of my pictures I enjoyed myself. That big of a smile only comes when I'm experiencing pure joy!
Good Luck Ashtree and Carson!! I hope that you have some fun. As for Carson you should be able to find something outside of Utah and our 3.2 issues.
Don't be afraid to share their music- It would be awesome if we could get more people at their concerts who can sing along! SHARE, SHARE, SHARE!

2 weeks away

I finish classes in TWO WEEKS? Say what? No way?!
The beloved place that I've spend way to many hours at in two weeks, I'll be taking a 2 year break if all goes well. Needless to say, right now I'm really really excited not to be going back to school. I might regret saying that in a couple months. But it might not happen considering I got the job at Deseret Book. (well kind of). I don't start right now because of school and such.
I'm really looking forward to being able to work there. It's such a blessing for me, and I know it's going to help me so much in continuing to prepare to resubmit my papers. Only 2 more weeks and I get to take nice/necessary break away from Provo.

On another set of news. I went to the One Direction concert last night. (Judge all you want, it was a blast jumping up and down letting my young self be completely nuts).
Wanna see my favorite video? One Way or Another
Go watch it! They sang this, and it was sooo much fun.

Such a blast with these girls, even if we had to yell at some lady to go find 2 extra seats. This was a night for the books. Thank you to One Direction for making a stop here in Utah. Even if the concert was filled with hundreds of screaming little girls-which totally bursts your eardrums. 

My inspiration

I've said many times that I have some of the most amazing people in my life. The missionaries that are my dear friends who are my example daily. I consider myself as a very lucky girl because of these amazing people who have touched my life.
Yesterday I was invited to go and welcome home the first of my amazing examples. Sister Rachel Ewell. I remember when I said goodbye to her. You can read about it here.
I'm going to try and not make this a novel.  So I'm going to skip some parts here and there.
My co-worker let me borrow his Bronco, and I may have totally locked the keys in the car. So that made it a little more interesting of a morning. I completely blame it on the fact I only got 5 hours of sleep and they weren't a solid 5 hours either. Moving on...
We waited and waited what seemed like forever for the missionaries to walk down. When the first set of missionaries which were 4 Elders walked down, it pretty much had everyone in tears. As they approached the end of the stairs each of their dear mothers went up and hugged them. No one even stopped we all watched them hug. In a perfect line (complete accident). If any of you have been there to watch missionaries come home. You know that moment is a very tend moment for any and all to watch.
Next came Sister Ewell and Sister Carlini (fun fact they were MTC companions). I couldn't stop crying. For the last 18 months all I've gotten from her were letters. And now SHE IS HOME!!

(this picture was taken after a lot of hugging)

For those of you who don't know Rachel was one of my roommates my very first semester of college. She is one of the most spiritual people I can think of and I hope that when I go on my mission that I can be a pinch as amazing as she was. Rachel is a big influence to me. She's actually the one person who really got me thinking about going on a mission. "Well the MTC is the most AMAZING experience of my life. Aubrey I know you say no, but if time comes and you aren't married (hypothetically cause we know you will be) make this your very first priority." -Sister Ewell (this is her second letter to me). 

I still remember the day I read that. I told myself okay. That's a fair enough situation. Here I am 18 months later, making it my very first priority. 

The last two weeks I've really struggled with being confident in my decisions I've made. But after yesterday and talking to Rachel. I have no doubt in my mind that in the last 7 months I've made ever decision I needed to make. I'm where I'm suppose to be. Some of those decisions were really hard to make and I didn't enjoy making them. It is right for everyone. 

I'm so happy Rachel is home, it couldn't have come at a better time. I'm so thankful for her friendship. 

Welcome home Sister Ewell <3 

Thunderstorms

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has a policy. It's not just 6 months. It's 6 months from my last anxiety attack.

I don't really remember the exact date of my last anxiety attack. It's about 1 1/2 -2 months ago. Which means I still have at least 4 more months.Yes, this was really hard to hear. 

Tonight I took a walk to the Provo Temple (even though it's closed) while I was there it started to rain. As I walked back home I was in deep thought. Of course we've all heard the famous phrase "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain". As this quote came to mind I couldn't help but realize which moments in my life were the rain storm seemed to be at its strongest points. And of course each thunderstorm has a moment where it's just a couple rain drops here and there. 

I can still remember one of my scariest anxiety attacks I've had. It was a couple weeks after starting therapy. I was in my room and I lost complete control of all of my body. Hardly being able to breath feeling every second of the attack. All I could think of was "when will this stop? Why do I not know how to control this yet?" I've learned how to control my anxiety. Many people don't know how to do this, and that is why I am grateful my Heavenly Father has given me this opportunity to do so.

With that said, I know I'll still have some heavy parts of the rainstorm, it could get worse I have no idea if it will or will not though. But as for now. I will dance in the rain. Because at some point it will all make sense. There is a grand plan that I'm part of, and I know that I made the decision to come here to Earth. Sometimes it's hard to experience our Earthly trials. I know that it will all be worth it one day. I promise to you all it will be. 

As for me right now. I'm still doing school and work full time. I only have 5 more weeks!!! Woot!

In August I will be moving up to SLC (Sandy area with my mom and brother). I can say that I know it's where I need to go right now. I've prayed about it a lot and I know it's right for me. I need to step away from Provo for a short time. For many reasons, and it will be good to have this experience. Of course there will be many things I will miss here. Like being able to walk to the temple. It's time for a change.

Don't forget to dance in the rain. It's okay if you get a little wet. You'll dry. 

2 months down

Honestly, I can't believe that two months have passed since I started therapy. I only have four more months till I can resubmit my papers. :) Sometimes I don't feel like this is even real.
The last two months have been the biggest roller coaster. Most recently I've had moments where I was completely jealous of people who said they had their call or those who say "on my mission".
Which I ended up turning to my best friend who is serving his mission in Philly right now. I just didn't know what to do. I felt like I wasn't doing my best, that I was a complete slacker because I wasn't on a mission. But of course Elder Danner reminded me that there is a reason I am here at this current time. Which he is so right because I'm learning things that I wouldn't learn if I wasn't here.
I came to realize that I had forgotten the things I had already learned when first entering this lesson of my life. But when you are slacking off on the "simple" things you forget what you already know.
I can't explain how important it is to remember the "primary answers" for those of you who aren't part of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I'll explain what that means.
Primary answers are the don't forget to say your daily prayers, make sure you read your scriptures daily, remember the basic principles of the church. Click here if you have more questions about the "mormons" or LDS church.
Other than that I've done really well. Therapy is really going, I can say I've learned how to manage my anxiety pretty well since the first month was all about identify your anxiety.
My first block of summer classes is almost done. I have two weeks left, than I head into second block. Which I'm looking forward too. A LOT.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Too many goodbyes

I'd say that I've said my fair amount of goodbyes. Considering I'm not the one leaving. Of course I'm only saying goodbye for only 2 years and than I get to see them all again. But honestly I can't wait till I'm the one leaving. 

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." --A.A. Milne

I can't even explain how many tears I've cried saying goodbye to all these people. The final hug that leaves me in complete tears and unbelief that it really is happening. I'm filing a request... no one else is allowed to leave till I leave as well. Thank you for your understand. A girl can only cry so much. 

Well... summer time is here and very hot for my poor white white skin. I've seen my fair share of sunburns already. But on the great note I've finished my first month of therapy. And I'm in the middle of month number two. Which means I only have 4 1/2 MONTHS TILL I CAN RESUBMIT MY PAPERS! YAY! Pretty exciting right? In the last month I've really learned soo much about myself and the anxiety attacks I have. I'm currently learning methods that allow me to control my anxiety attacks. I can tell such a difference already. To my readers... many of you may not have known that's why I had to wait 6 months before serving my LDS mission. I didn't make a public notice that I have anxiety. But I'm not afraid to tell those that I do have panic/anxiety attacks. I'm working on it, some days aren't easy that's for sure. But I'm glad I'm getting the help I can. So if any of you have questions I am more than willing to answer. 

Thank you all for your support at this time, it means the world to me. I have great friends and family in my life. Have a great week!! 

My missionaries:

Sister Ewell-Oklahoma 

Elder Woodruff-Brazil

Elder Hopkins-Ghana

Elder Danner-Pennsylvania

Elder Hofheins-Uganda 

Elder Jaynes-Russia

Elder Hales-Germany

Elder Palmer-California

Elder Sneddon- Missouri 

Elder Haggard-Benin

Elder Dever-Honduras

Elder Church-Philippines 

Spiritual light

I haven't update in a while so I'm going to do that really fast. Even though most might know a lot of what's going on. 

I was in a little bit of a panic with finding out that I need to wait 6 months. Because I really hadn't planned to be staying in Utah for that long. The things that had to be thought about were:

~School

~Housing 

~Work

Anything else that would be affecting my life for the next 6 months. 

Lucky enough I still have my job, but I was trying to figure out if I wanted to get another job in order to even save more money. As for right now I will be going to school for the summer in order to graduate with my associates. It's going to be a little crazy but I'm really excited that I will have that. Housing was the last thing I kind of needed to figure out. Well I decided that I will be moving into The Riviera. I'm excited about it, it's in the middle of everything I have to do for the summer. Hopefully I get roomed with someone good. I haven't shared a room in years and that was with my sister. 

Other than that General Conference was AMAZING. Completely what I needed to hear. And if you haven't listened to it I really hope you go online and listen to it or read them. 

My Savior

First off, I want to tell everyone Happy Easter. I'm so thankful for this holiday and what it means to me. Our Savior died on a cross for all of our sins, sorrows, pain, trials. Remember, He is Risen.

I love my Savior. He loves me. And is with me every step I take on this Earth. 

With that said. My mission call has been postponed. For 6 months. I have some medical things to take care of. Hopefully at the end of the 6 months I will be able to resubmit my papers and go on my mission. As for now I'm unsure of what these next 6 months have in store for me. I do know that my Savior knows what is best for me. And at this time it is not to leave right now for my mission. Of course I was devastated. I am human. But I have turned to my Heavenly Father, I encourage all of you to do the same thing when you are placed in hard times. Because it will become clear to you in time. 

As for me I will be trying to figure out what my plan will be now for these next few months. Happy Easter everyone. Enjoy your Sabbath. 

God is eagerly waiting

First off, I want to begin this blog enter informing you all what I have heard too many times in the last 4 weeks.

• Patiences
• It's in the Lord's time
• I know someone who had to wait ____ months
• Or I waited ____ months

If you didn't think I was aware. I'm aware. And yes with that comment I look grumpy. But I am human.  Sometimes it's hard for me to stay positive, but I can honestly say this is trial. I'm not learning things you think I am. My Savior knows what I need to experience in order to grow, and He knows how I'll grow.
I also know people are saying these things in order to give me comfort or tell me things could be worse. In the last couple of weeks I've needed to place all my faith in my loving Savior.
No matter how anxious I become in the wait I know without a shadow of a doubt that 1. I am to go on a mission 2. My Savior loves me and will always follow through with His blessings.
Well I hope you are all having a wonderful day. 4 weeks till the end of the semester and I have lots to do before than. And I hope I can focus enough to pull it all off.

In times of struggle

As some of you know that my mission call was placed on hold and I had to take care of some personal things in order to get cleared to serve a mission. I don't say this a lot because I know there are a lot of people who have a harder lifes than I do. But I've had a hard life thus far. And I don't think it's going to get easier. Some are aware of my family life (past and/or present), my current struggles that affect me daily.
Today as I walked out of a personal meeting the things that had placed me in a pretty bad mood were gone. While walking back to my car I could feel the Lord my Savior walking with me telling me 'good job' and that He loves me so much.
During the rest of the day I was in deep thought.
I've been told multiple times that "Things happen for a reason" and I don't doubt that at all. But I was struggling with having that phrase comfort me with this trial. Instead I had a profound moment where I reminded myself that the Lord doesn't want to see me in pain or struggling with anything. He loves me so much that it really does hurt him to see me in pain. Any of us in pain for that matter. And I know that there are trials I have had, will have that I need to have in order to be who I am. I am thankful for His love, support and understanding. My Savior, Our Savior is here for all of us in our times of need and He will NOT give any of us something we can't handle. I told myself that the other day "I wouldn't be given this trial if I couldn't handle it." So I knew there was something to learn of it.
All I know of this right now that waiting for my call this much longer is going to make it so much more worth it. When I finally get to open my call, leave on my mission, and meet the many people who will change my life I will be thankful for my Savior and everything that has gotten me where I am at today. That includes all the struggles.
I was asked today why I wanted to serve a mission. My reason is this...
I want to be an example to those around me. Specifically my family. And that without this gospel in my life I know I wouldn't be here today. I wouldn't have been able to handle the things I've had to face. But because of the gospel I am here and I am fighting the trials. I want those who don't have the gospel to have it in their life and hopefully it will help them in their times of struggle.
"Nothing worth having comes easy"

Pure Happiness

I don't think it is very easy to feel pure happiness everyday.  Since my papers are all done, I feel it every moment of the day. I'm lovin' this feeling and don't want it to leave. With yesterday being a holiday and UVU changed my Monday classes to Tuesday (which means I only had one class today at 1) I was able to go up to Draper Temple and decide if I really want to go there and have my endowments out. This means I'm making another covenant with my Heavenly Father. I made a covenant when I was baptized but this is another one. And it's to sacred to talk about so I can't really go into detail.
I fell in love with the Draper Temple when I went to the open house. Which the LDS church does before each temple is dedicated that way nonmembers are allowed to come look inside and see the beautifulness of the temple. I went to make sure I really wanted to make a life changing moment there.

This one was taken by me today after I came out and was completely overjoyed by the happiness and gratitude I have that I am able to pick from so many different temples. And I have picked the one up on a mountain that over looks such a wonderful view that you can see 2 other temples. 

Holiness to the Lord. 

10 days to go.

I'm happy to say that my mission papers are all in. :) Wow. I can't even explain to you how happy I am. The moment I walked out of my meeting I had to stress or worry. I was just pleased, and very tired I'd been stressing for weeks about my papers and getting them done. 

Bryson said I know to much about the process my papers but I'm very happy I know...

Thursday, February 21, 2013 my papers will be looked at and I will be assigned my mission. Tuesday, February 26, 2013 they will be mailed. Most likely have it on Thursday the 28th. In less the First Presidency thinks I need to get my knee looked at more than we will have a delay in my call. But I won't know if they want me to go get it looked at till this Thursday or Friday and than I'd have to go make an appointment and wait my time. 

Even with that information I'm still very calm about what will happen. At this point there is nothing I can do. :) Sigh well let's all hope that this next 10 days do go a little fast because well lets be honest I'm pretty excited about it. 

Just a reminder that everyone NOW can place their guess. You get one state side and one foreign guess.  You can post on here or on FB if we are friends. :) 

Return with Honor

Well folks, the appointment has been set. I will be having my Stake President interview on Sunday. The day has finally come and I couldn't be more excited. In 6 days I will be completely done and all I have to do is stay up beat and wait with as much patiences for the call to come to me. I'm not a 100% sure what day my call will come there is a chance it arrives on Feb. 27 and there is a chance it will come March 6. So another wait beings. After Sunday you are allowed to make your guess on where I'll be going. :) You have two choices. One state side guess and one foreign guess. Starting thinking and in 6 days you may guess.
I think this week might be one of the longest. Haha okay maybe not as long as the weeks that will follow the interview. Yesterday in my home ward this awesome guy gave his farewell talk. Brett (AKA Beans) gave such an amazing talk and I loved his joke! ;) I couldn't be more proud of this kid and his willingness to go to Russia to serve the Lord. Soon-to-be Elder Jaynes is a wonderful example to many. Hopefully he won't freeze because he is so dang skinny. But I have no doubt that you will be one of the best missionaries. Love you Beans. I will see you in 2 years.

So one of my favorite scriptures right now is Moses 4:1-2 this is a conversation between Satan and the Lord. Even from the beginning Satan wanted all the Glory, but the Plan of Happiness isn't about Satan it's about needing to come to this Earth receive our Earthly bodies and use the Atonement in order to Return to our Heavenly Father. We are faced with many trials in order to show our Heavenly Father we can handle it. And that we will do anything to return to Him.

"Where do you want to go?"

I can honestly say that "Where do you want to go" is the worse question you could ask me. So please stop asking me for heavens sake. It is stressing me out. Because yes I don't have a place I want to go. I just want to go on a mission and serve the Lord. Now some of you might say "well what about Italy" Well folks Italy is a place I want to travel to and be a nerd spend all my time eating food. Now don't miss understand me if I get called there I would do my work. But if I don't... It's not going to be the end of the world. Because I just want to serve the Lord.

I'll go where you want me to go dear Lord. 

I have taken this to heart. Seriously friends I don't mind where I'll be called because I know that I am called by my Heavenly Father and he will be sending me there for a specific reason and that's all I need to know. 

Next item of business. All I'm waiting for is an interview with my Stake President I'm hoping for it to be this week. But who knows... :) All I know is it's not in my hands. It's up to the Lord now. And the speed He wants my papers to process. 

Well on Sunday my amazing Bishop decided to give me the 'little white book' and asked me to try and live by it. So I'm trying really hard. Which I'm even going to try and follow the sleeping patterns. It's 10:15 which means I have 15 to get to bed. Well folks hope your week will be amazing and remember the Lord loves you and is here for you as long as you turn to Him. 

P.S. I have one of the best mission prep teachers. :)

Another bump in the road

I could find a thousand quotes about patiences. But only thing that makes it better is when you make it to the finish line and everything was worth it.
But don't worry I'm gonna give you a couple quotes for the fun of it all.

• Some things take time
• Patience is not the ability to wait but how you act while you're waiting
• If something is not happening for you it doesn't mean it's never going to happen it means you're not ready for it
• The hardest tests in life is the patience to wait for the right moment
• Faith in God includes faith in His timing- Neal A. Maxwell

Do ya'll get the idea? I get the idea but we all know things take time to work out in the right way. And yes, I'm so dang impatience. Filling out mission papers you have to have a lot of patiences. That's for sure.
Before I started my papers earlier this month I went and got shots. Well comes to find out at my doctors appointment today I found out I didn't get the most important shot! This shot isn't some normal shot (I can't remember the name) but you have to after 48 hours go get looked at after you get this shot. Well it's Thursday and no place is open on Saturday which means I can't have my papers finished by this weekend. Which is what I was really hoping for. Most of you are probably thinking I'm crazy because this isn't a live or die situation. But here's the thing... Every moment of the day I'm always thinking of my mission. Where am I going? I can't even count how many dreams, daydreams I have and I go to a different place each time. Or my big fear that I won't be able to say where I'm going. (ha). Will I learn a language? When will I leave? Will I just love the people so much? What kind of place it is? When can I wear dresses and skirts all the time? When can I get my nametag?
When you want something sooo bad anything that gets in the way is just a horrible thing. Seriously though.

Lucky for me I know this so much. And of course just need to remember it at all moments... I'm praying to have my call by next month.

Starting the process

Well as of Sunday I have started my mission papers. After talking with my Bishop, him and everyone else has said to be aware that Satan will try and make it so that I won't be able to serve a mission. He is very smart at what he does, and from just a couple days into the week and I can say that Satan doesn't waste his time at attacking your weaknesses. But guess what Satan? Aside from the fact I decided on Monday you are a douche and I don't like you at all when you are trying to make me feel bad. It's not going to happen. Because I know in my HEART & MIND that I want to serve a mission.

Like I said in a previous post that Tuesday is one of my longest days at  school. I was there from 8:30am-9pm. I took a nap in the LDS Institute building. When I finally woke up an Institute teacher came up to me... It was seriously just what I needed. We had a nice short chat but in that chat I was able to tell him some key moments of my life. This amazing man was sent to me to tell me what  I really needed to hear yesterday. As simple as the phrase is, "You are here this semester for a reason" it really did get to me. Because as I've been preparing I've been so frustrated with myself for not already having my call and serving the Lord. 

I really want to be wearing that name tag that says I am here to represent the Savior Jesus Christ and to tell you what I believe. I want people all around this world to know of this beautiful gospel that I love so much and to be able to join it if they choose to. 

I can honestly say to you at this current moment that I am so blessed the Lord does bless those of you who are trying. I can't wait for everything to fall into place. Yet I know I'm still going to be challenged but I know that if I keep focus on my goal that I will be able to get there. 

"You cannot run away from a weakness. You must sometimes fight it out or perish, and if that be so, why not now and where you stand." - Robert Louis Stevenson

Yes we are coming. And it is a wonderful thing to happen. 

School 4 days a week.

Well folks, the new semester has begun. I can't even believe that I am in my 4th semester of college. It feels like just yesterday I was in high school going to football games, skipping classes, getting in trouble. Now I'm trying to make sure that I eat, sleep, and making it to work on time. I'm growing up each day.
My classes this semester make it so that most my days are never the same. Monday & Wednesday I only have one class at 1pm. After that I gotta get to work. Tuesday and Thursdays are my crazy days.
I'm taking Book of Mormon at 9 in the morning. And on Tuesday nights I'm in mission prep. That's right, I'm still getting ready for it and trying to figure out when I should go. I have 4 official college classes. ASL 202G, ASL numbers, Language 3000, Math. 3/4 have ASL influence. Which will make for a really nice semester for me.
Well tons has happened in the last 3 weeks. But I keep telling myself that it is a New Year. Which is a reminder not to get down because anything can happen.
So here's to a New Year, a new me.

Au Revior 2012

This year I put together a cute little jar where I put moments that I found as a blessing this past year. 

Right before I came out to Arizona I read them. I was reminded of the amazing things that have happened. I have the most amazing life anyone could ask for. 

I'm gonna do a quick recap of the year. 

• Finished my hardest semester of college yet. 
• Worked at Sonic Drive-In
• Moved into a duplex with some amazing girls <3
• DahLynn, Lynsey, Sydney
• Went on my first airplane ride to WA <3 such an amazing week 
• Worked with Edna. She's had some amazing advice for me
• Finished the Book of Mormon for the very first time ever!!! :)
• Gave up Italy to go on a mission (which I will still be doing).
• Went to my friends mission farewalls
• Meet Parachute!!!!!!! 
• Became a Jazz fan
• Went to S.D. for Bryson & Sam's wedding
• Arizona for Thanksgiving, Christmas, & New Year's
• Got a job at Super Sonic CarWash
• Completed the challenge my Bishop gave the ward
• Have a missionary moment
• Take family names to the temple
• Finish the BOM before the end of the year

Now to figure out my New Years Resolutions. 

 First and for most...

1. I want to read the Book of Mormon again
2. I'm currently reading the N.T. 
3. Study Preach My Gospel 
4. Apply for my mission

I think that four is a really good amount of things I should be able to work towards. Because they aren't things that I can just do over a couple of days. 

Happy New Year!!! Here we go 2013. I'm looking forward to you very much.