I don't really remember the exact date of my last anxiety attack. It's about 1 1/2 -2 months ago. Which means I still have at least 4 more months.Yes, this was really hard to hear.
Tonight I took a walk to the Provo Temple (even though it's closed) while I was there it started to rain. As I walked back home I was in deep thought. Of course we've all heard the famous phrase "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain". As this quote came to mind I couldn't help but realize which moments in my life were the rain storm seemed to be at its strongest points. And of course each thunderstorm has a moment where it's just a couple rain drops here and there.
I can still remember one of my scariest anxiety attacks I've had. It was a couple weeks after starting therapy. I was in my room and I lost complete control of all of my body. Hardly being able to breath feeling every second of the attack. All I could think of was "when will this stop? Why do I not know how to control this yet?" I've learned how to control my anxiety. Many people don't know how to do this, and that is why I am grateful my Heavenly Father has given me this opportunity to do so.
With that said, I know I'll still have some heavy parts of the rainstorm, it could get worse I have no idea if it will or will not though. But as for now. I will dance in the rain. Because at some point it will all make sense. There is a grand plan that I'm part of, and I know that I made the decision to come here to Earth. Sometimes it's hard to experience our Earthly trials. I know that it will all be worth it one day. I promise to you all it will be.
As for me right now. I'm still doing school and work full time. I only have 5 more weeks!!! Woot!
In August I will be moving up to SLC (Sandy area with my mom and brother). I can say that I know it's where I need to go right now. I've prayed about it a lot and I know it's right for me. I need to step away from Provo for a short time. For many reasons, and it will be good to have this experience. Of course there will be many things I will miss here. Like being able to walk to the temple. It's time for a change.
Don't forget to dance in the rain. It's okay if you get a little wet. You'll dry.
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