How Does That Happen?

Many of you may know that I found out that I'll be entering the MTC on January 1, 2014.
Yet I still haven't received my call yet. Now how does that even happen? I'm going to tell you how my Friday was.
I started work at 9:30, we aren't suppose to have our cell phones with us on the sales floor. Although since I've been waiting for a text from my Bishop telling my call has been assigned I've kept my phone on me. Well my phone had gone off a couple times so when I stepped in the back room I checked to see who had called me. Two missed calls and a voice message, which was my stake President. Telling me he has a very important question to ask me, and if I could call him back as soon as I could. I instantly became nervous and wanted to throw up. Of course I call him right back, I actually didn't finish listening to the voice measage!
We exchange hellos and how we were doing.
Then he says, " I received a phone call from the mission department, (for me this usually isn't a could thing right? Bad past experience!) Your availability date you put was January 10. The mission you've been assigned you can either go in January 1 or wait till the end of March. He asks me why my date was January 10 so we talked about it. I'm starting to cry because my call has been assigned!! Haha. My Stake President continues on saying the mission department really wants me to go on the 1st.
So I take a couple deep breaths, rushing thoughts about everything! Should I call my mom and ask her? But I think to myself, Aubrey you've waited a very long time for this. If the Lord needs you to go into the MTC on January 1st you shouldn't hesitate to say yes.
The next words I say are "okay, tell them January 1st is fine."
My call will be mailed on Monday and hopefully I get it on Tuesday or Wednesday!!
I guess my Stake President tried to get more information about where I was called to but they wouldn't tell him.
So here I am knowing I go into the MTC in 38 days yet I have no idea where I'm going! Yes I'm going a little crazy about it!! But nonetheless, I'm 100% thrilled that 2014 will be my year to be on my mission!!!
Still a crazy thought to me.
Well this week I will post my call & a video of me sobbing while reading it. :)

I am imperfect

I want to tell you, my readers what I've experienced recently. Not to tell you I'm better, but to tell you how I've really struggled at moments while on this journey.
Last Sunday as I started to write my weekly emails to all my favorite missionaries I was filled with tons of self-doubt. Along with a very large fear of being told no again. I've worked so hard this last year to serve a mission I never considered that as happening. I began sobbing, as I wrote all the missionaries and for the first time showing a lot of struggle. I also turned to some amazing friends for advice. I knew that my self-doubt and fears were coming from Satan but I had no idea what I should do.
Satan had gotten to me and I had never faced this problem. Satan had found his way into my mind. Many were able to send me very comforting words from scriptures; D&C 6:36 "...look unto [the Lord] in every thought, doubt not, fear not." Or talks given by our modern Prophets and Apostles.
From Elder Holland, "So how do you best respond when mental or emotional challenges confront you or those you love? Above all, never lose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more than you can comprehend. As President Monson said to the Relief Society sisters so movingly last Saturday evening: “That love never changes. … It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve [it]. It is simply always there.” 4 Never, ever doubt that, and never harden your heart. Faithfully pursue the time-tested devotional practices that bring the Spirit of the Lord into your life. Seek the counsel of those who hold keys for your spiritual well-being. Ask for and cherish priesthood blessings. Take the sacrament every week, and hold fast to the perfecting promises of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Believe in miracles. I have seen so many of them come when every other indication would say that hope was lost. Hope is never lost. If those miracles do not come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior’s own anguished example: if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead."
I truly am blessed with the most amazing loving people a girl could as for. And I am so luckly that my Jesus Christ died upon the cross for me so that I could have the ever lasting atonement. So that I can be forgiven when I fall short.
I just want you all to know that it is okay to struggle, and when you do turn to our loving Heavenly Father who wants to hear from you. He is the most loving person and we are incredibly blessed that he is there for us to turn to.
I know that our kind Heavenly Father knows I have a very strong desire to serve a mission. I know without a doubt He will always do what is best for me. I will be turning in my mission papers again on Sunday and I am very excited to see what He has planned for me. No matter what/where/when it will be I am ready to do His will.
Don't feel as though you cannot.turn to those whom you are blessed to have in your life. They have been placed in your life for that reason. Thank you all for your prayers, words of encouragment I have felt them endlessly.

1 Month

I can't believe that I only have one more month of waiting before I get to resubmit my mission papers. Don't worry I really am thrilled about this! Time has been on my side these last few weeks and I'm completely blessed with that.

But of course many of you know that it hasn't always been on my side. Or at least I didn't feel as though it was. I want to share little segments from one of the best talks I've read. It's by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf Aprill 2010 Priesthood Session. The talk is Continue in Patience

It was extremely hard for me to understand why I had to wait when what I wanted to do was something good. Serving a mission isn't bad. But why would I have to wait? Now there are a long list of reasons why I had to wait some more obvious then others. Some reasons I'm still learning about! 

"Patience- the ability to put our desires on hold for a time- is a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want, and we want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and, at times, bitter."

Now, not all of us are horrible with patience but there are some of us who are still learning how to look at it with good light. 

About two days ago I realized that as exciting as it is that on November 3 I'll have my papers back up at the mission department but being able to put my mission papers in means that I have gone 6 months without an anxiety attack that I COULD NOT control. I was pretty excited when I had realized that next month is a really big stepping stone for me. Of course I'm focusing on everything with my mission because HELLO that's what my end goal is here right? 

"...I learned that patience was far more than simply waiting for something to happen-patience required actively working toward worthwhile goals not getting discouraged when results didn't appear instantly or without effort. There is an important concept here: patience is not a passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can- working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!"

President Uchtdorf is one very inspired man of God. Amen to this whole talk. It is simply amazing. I'm so thankful for the many things my Heavenly Father has blessed me with this year. (Can you believe it was a year ago when President Monson made the big announcement?) I can't wait to see what this last month is going to teach me. And I've very excited to be able in one month to try it all again. I know my mission is worth it. And I've very excited to see what it all has in store for me. 

I hope you all get to watch or listen to General Conference this weekend. I've very interested to see what our Savior wants us to hear this time. 

I am not a victim of anxiety anymore.

I cannot express my gratitude for the feelings I have today. I would have never guessed a year ago that I would be where I am at. Almost one year ago, the announcement the Church made of the age change for missionaries go serve missions at a younger age. First of all, I remember watching General Conference by myself in my apartment and I fell to my knees crying. The glories moment, even now when I listen to it I'm overwhelmed with joy.  

In one year I've been able to experience enough. A large scale of dating someone serious to having my papers in and just waiting the moment of the white envelope to show up. Although it never did appear. 

I'm still dreaming of this moment. That moment will finally be happening because I finished therapy. I will not be resubmitting my mission papers till November. But I will hopefully be going if it's in the Lord's grand plan for me. (I'm still praying it is & it would help if you did too). 

It seems like a dream to me, as I walked out of the building from therapy tonight it didn't seem real. Being at the finish line it's hard for me to even remember how I allowed myself to become so weak. But thankfully my Heavenly Father is aware that I may become weak. I'm even more thankful that he allowed me to be able to change. It was not an easy change, but I am so thankful I was able to overcome my anxiety. 

I know many people in the last few months that have asked me how I've overcome it. So I'm just going to tell you the different methods I use. 

Please keep in mind that this might not help you. My anxiety came from lack of control, and magnifying each situation.

1. Breathing (start by breathing out, and making sure that when you breath in it's one second longer than you were breathing out).

2. Meditation. (imagine a beach). 

3. Your safe place or a place where you are happy. (Mine is Italy, dancing, San Diego beach or being at a football game).

4.  Is this going to matter in 3 days?

5. Realizing how your physical symptoms happen- that they will not last forever

6. Angel and Devil from Empires New Groove (Devil being your anxiety).

7. Recognizing that there is positive and negative worrying. 

Now if your anxiety is bad enough PLEASE go see a therapist. I would have never gone and I didn't think they were even important but if you make the effort and try to allow the methods to help you they can. 

If anyone has questions about one of the methods I mentioned send me a message and I'll try and explain it to you more.  

Maybe use this as my new missionary picture?? ;)

Thank you for your love and support you've shown me at this time. I couldn't be here without the prayers many of you have said in my behalf. I've been able to grow closer to my Heavenly Father during this trial and I couldn't be happier that He understands me the best. He knows the pains I have experienced. And that's why he is mine and your Heavenly Father. 

Also here is my Mormon.org page. Click Here Go read it! I'm a Mormon and I'm proud to be one. 

Turning into a big girl

As most of you know, I officially got the job at Deseret Book! I'm completely thrilled about it. I got my apron the other day and tomorrow I will work a full day. I'm really excited about it! I can't wait to see what this step in my life has in store for me.

In my cute apron! (I call it my big girl job).

Yesterday when I looked at this picture I realized I've changed. At first I couldn't figure it out, but while I was in therapy tonight I realized what it was. Which brings me to some news. It was discussed tonight in therapy that I'll most likely have one more session and I will be done till I submit my papers. He even suggested that we might be able to submit my papers a little early then I was planning. As my therapist said these words I'm pretty sure I almost died. (Don't get to excited). The words that followed were no. It was weird sitting there being told what I've wanted to hear for months. Recently I've thought about if I were to submit early would I? And I told myself no, I don't think I'm ready and I feel that there are still a couple things I need to do before I submit. 

To say the least it's a very odd feeling. I would have never thought I would turn down putting my papers back in early. As I look at this picture of me I realize I have changed. I'm completely relaying on the Lord. I don't make a judgement call till I've prayed, read my scriptures and truly know that the choice I will make is the best one for me. This does not come over night, comes from a lot of practice, patience, and crying. Okay the crying might only be me. 

Here's my preparing missionary side coming in... Ha if you are searching for anything that I am describing or simply want to know more about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Please please go look at our website and get in contact with some missionaries! Click here to find out more! :) Don't be shy. 

As for right now, I'm going to just keep going. Anything can happen these next 88 days (this is when I hope to resubmit so that I get my call back on my 21st birthday). I'm open for anything! 

Like I told Elder Danner in this weeks email. The Lord has the most perfect timing. I have no doubt about it, hence why I'm still waiting. Because I know and have a feeling that something is going to happen.  

By the way I GRADUATED WITH MY ASSOCIATE!!!!! YES I PASSES ALL MY CLASSES! 

Pretty dang proud of myself to say the least. I hope you all have a wonderful rest of the week. And don't be afraid to send me an email or comment and we can chat about anything! <3

I need a little more Ashtree and Carson Allen in my life.

One thing people should know about me is that I LOVE to go to concerts. Even if I don't know who's singing. Finding new music is what I love. I don't think you can only like one genre of music, but if you are one of those people. I'm feel bad for you because you are missing out on so much!
My Friday night was PERFECT yesterday.
A couple months ago while at a John Allred concert- I discovered a band named Ashtree. These guys have so much energy, music is easy to dance to, completely outgoing and all around great people to be around. After months of begging them to come back they did! YAY!
My favorite song by Ashtree is their new release Heart Attack (click on it to hear the song).

 Here's the band! L to R: George, Zack, Will, (me), Joseph, and Patrick! 

 If you know the band you know these two are brothers. Joseph and Patrick 

Of course I had to take a picture with the Yellow Piano.

Will decided he wants anyone he meets to sign the piano. So I signed it, hopefully it makes them smile anytime they see it. It was pretty awesome to get to hang out with the guys before they went on. Because last time it was after and being super tired after standing for so long isn't very interesting. In the mist of being able to kick it with everyone I got to meet Carson Allen. Now if you don't know him go look him up. My favorite song of Carson is Even If.

The one and only Carson Allen. 

The hilarious things that came out of all their mouths. :) Oh tooo good! I wish I could go on tour with them the whole time. But lucky for everyone they just started their tour. Yesterday was day 2 or 3 (it's the question of the tour). They still have many days to come along the West Coast. 

 Just so you all know they named the tour Blue Eyed because of me ;) Okay, maybe not but it sounds good to me! If you have the chance to see these guys on tour do it! If you want to know some more songs they both can be found on Spotify and YouTube.
Seriously I wouldn't mind if they stopped by in Utah at the end of the tour! As you can see by some of my pictures I enjoyed myself. That big of a smile only comes when I'm experiencing pure joy!
Good Luck Ashtree and Carson!! I hope that you have some fun. As for Carson you should be able to find something outside of Utah and our 3.2 issues.
Don't be afraid to share their music- It would be awesome if we could get more people at their concerts who can sing along! SHARE, SHARE, SHARE!

2 weeks away

I finish classes in TWO WEEKS? Say what? No way?!
The beloved place that I've spend way to many hours at in two weeks, I'll be taking a 2 year break if all goes well. Needless to say, right now I'm really really excited not to be going back to school. I might regret saying that in a couple months. But it might not happen considering I got the job at Deseret Book. (well kind of). I don't start right now because of school and such.
I'm really looking forward to being able to work there. It's such a blessing for me, and I know it's going to help me so much in continuing to prepare to resubmit my papers. Only 2 more weeks and I get to take nice/necessary break away from Provo.

On another set of news. I went to the One Direction concert last night. (Judge all you want, it was a blast jumping up and down letting my young self be completely nuts).
Wanna see my favorite video? One Way or Another
Go watch it! They sang this, and it was sooo much fun.

Such a blast with these girls, even if we had to yell at some lady to go find 2 extra seats. This was a night for the books. Thank you to One Direction for making a stop here in Utah. Even if the concert was filled with hundreds of screaming little girls-which totally bursts your eardrums.